Years after her son started using drugs, Sue still struggles with anxiety and stress
Sue’s son has used drugs for many years. He would live with her for periods then he would move away. This continued for some time, she suspects however that his drug use continued during this period. She was always particularly concerned for her son whenever he had to face any disappointments in his life. She eventually decided to move back to this area for personal reasons. But before this happened Sue recalls....”There wasn’t a day that went by when I didn’t worry about him. Where was he? What was he doing? Who was he with? Was he safe?” Sue recalls her son would telephone her constantly asking for money. She knew it was for drugs. “It was a nightmare. I would go to bed every night and pray…… pray that he would be safe. I would stay awake, worried in case the police would knock on my door to tell me he’d been arrested or to tell me he’d overdosed. This went on and on.
My anxiety levels were off the scale. It was horrible. I didn’t have anyone to talk to about these things. And anyway, who would understand? Who would believe that I’m not a bad parent and I’m not to blame for my son’s choices. Looking back I don’t know how I ever coped with it all. It was terrible. It’s still there even now, the worry. I do try to trust my son but I also know that sometimes I tend to believe the things he says, just because it’s easier for me to believe him, but I know he won’t be being totally honest with me a lot of the time. But I’m trying not to be too strict with him because I don’t want to put him under too much pressure in case this puts him on a downer and he relapses.
He doesn’t live with me now and I have to say I don’t know what he’s up to. We are in touch all the time and he appears well, but I don’t know for sure, I’ll never know for sure because he lives so far away now. But it’s so hard to trust him."